Cold Spaghetti

This was the first time we’ve had a tree since we lived in Ann Arbor. We bought this tree on clearance after Christmas last year and put it up for the first time this year. Will and I made the garland out of Mardi Gras beads, hung ornaments that hadn’t seen light in over 4 years, and made assorted decorations. (Will is quite the crafty guy.)
This one was Kate’s (she put the nose on all by herself). Will and I helped guide her with the rest.
Will and I put together this ice skater. The best part is that Will wrote his name on the ice behind the figure.
This doggie is 100% Will. Note that the dog’s mouth is a “W.”
Another Will original — with glitter and Popsicle sticks!
My favorite ornament… of Paul’s 2-year old hand.
Kate and the Christmas tree, Christmas Eve day. We hung everything out of reach of Kate — she loved messing up the garland and we didn’t want to give her much opportunity to get involved with anything else.
After Santa’s visit, in the wee hours Christmas morning. The doggie rocker was for Kate and the Black-n-Decker workbench for Will. Both were huge hits. Other treats: Will gave Kate an animal hospital set, Kate got a Baby Stella doll, Will got a talking and racing Lightening McQueen (even Kate can program it; she is alarmingly brilliant) and we all got pajamas. Santa brought both kids Ugly Dolls and they are great (Will LOVES his “Big Toe” and has been taking it everywhere.) Paul and I had some big exciting items, too… a camera lens (for me) and a tile saw (for Paul).
Below, sometime Christmas morning. We opened presents slowly and in waves, finishing some the following day. Here, Paul is asleep on the floor while PapPap and Kate play with the animal hospital (a gift picked out for Kate by Will, “because Kate likes gatos”).
Will working on his workbench.
Will colored the ornament below last year.
Granna and Kate open up the Baby Stella doll.
It was so nice to be home for Christmas, even if the day was crazy. It will be very hard to take down the tree!

Somehow, I need to just relax. Or something.

The season came too fast… what with holidays, birthdays, teaching, trips to Emergency Departments, plans for the back addition, The Defense, and everything in between. I haven’t finished the whole Christmas thing yet (my brother and sister-in-law arrive in Mobile later this weekend) and am still hard at work at the Christmas project I started over a month ago. Santa came, the kids were thrilled, and we went through the motions… but I’m just still not there. I just feel like the whole holiday has been completely missed.

Part of it is that Paul has been working nonstop on the back of the house, which has meant that any celebrating we have done as a family has been incredibly short, pressed for time even within its allocated cut-offs, and unfocused. The holiday has been, for us, a time to use time off from work to do all the other work we do. We both have been like machines. I think the time outside and the physical demands of the building have been both tiring and exhilarating for Paul. He looks great and although complains of understandable soreness, seems energized by the challenges. I feel trapped and overwhelmed by the demands of the holiday, the needs of the kids, and my desire to do it all. I’m jealous because I want to be doing something that recharges me… reading, painting, yoga… anything. But this is impossible unless someone else watches the kids, which isn’t happening. We are trying, as always, to incorporate these things into our play, but it doesn’t serve to energize me.

Maybe part, too, is the way we entered this holiday. Trying to play catch-up.

The morning of the Friday before Christmas, I rushed to get gifts for the teachers together. Paul had the delivery of lumber coming that morning and didn’t want the hassle of finding help he could trust to move the thousands of pounds of valuable wood to the back… so he spent all morning carrying heavy beams and missed the holiday party that morning at Abeona House. I was planning on going and was so excited to be going — Will was part of a play the preschoolers were presenting. He had been talking about it, working on costumes at school and practicing. That morning, he asked if I was coming to his performance. “Yes,” I told him, “I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”

Do you see where this story is going?

Problems with getting everything together, my mistaken memory of the events at the school, and just stuff that happens when you are in a hurry… all collided and I arrived at the school at around 10am — rushing in because I thought the show was just starting. But it was already over (it had started a half hour before). Will saw me from his seat at the head of the snack table, “Mommy,” he said, “you weren’t there.”

I have never, in my life, felt so strongly towards simply Not Being. I just wanted to disappear, evaporate, melt away. This couldn’t have happened. It couldn’t have. Just then, Emmy came in and so sweetly commented on Will’s finale: “Where he gave the sweetest bow.” I went to the back of the kitchen so that no one else would notice my crying, my fighting to hold it together. Maybe, at least, I can take pictures? The one thing creative thing that I have, that I can do? I opened up the camera bag to find that all the memory cards were at home — victim to my rushing and holiday madness. I couldn’t take a picture of anything. I contemplated just leaving the party right then and going back to bed. Maybe I could forget the morning ever happened?

A few moments of talking with another parent helped me push back into reality. The party went on and no one noticed that I was without my camera. I began to feel my identity without a lens come into being and picked up with life. Later that night, Will recited the performance to me. Here’s the jist: Out of an egg comes a creepy, crawly bug who is determined to go to Mexico (“I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go to Mexico”) despite being told by many that it’s an impossible prospect. Eventually, the bug turns into a butterfly and joins the millions like him in Mexico, where he lays eggs to continue the cycle. It wasn’t the same as being there, but it made me feel a bit better.

I realized something else then. That I am human and because of this, I cannot promise my kids that I will always be there. Because I am human and real and flawed. I make mistakes, I forget things, I am sometimes late. Things happen. But I always try my best — that is a promise I can make. Unfortunately, my best sometimes totally screws things up.

Like, when despite my best intents, I completely blow the surprise I’ve been working on for Paul for over 4 months.

On Saturday, I picked up the commissioned painting of the kids I had been planning with an artist friend for months. He used a photograph I took of the kids and interpreted it in his own style; the result is unique and sweet. It’s just our kids: imperfect, playing, real, fluid, and completely themselves. I had been swiping small amounts of money away for almost a year (surprising Paul with anything is next to impossible due to the way we use Quicken) so I save little amounts of petty cash. Paul knew something was up, but was completely in the dark until I began to tell him, over Saturday dinner, about my visit with that particular family (the painter is Will’s friend Aya’s father). Coupled with my disastrous recovery, Paul put it together. I felt so defeated that I just gave him the painting (I figured it saved me the hassle of figuring out how to wrap it without endangering the unframed piece.)

So broken hearts and ruined surprises brought us into Christmas-time 2007. Haven’t I mentioned how 2007 sucks? I cannot wait for 2008. I’m tempted to crawl into a hole and hibernate until 2008; I don’t feel anything will be safe until we are finally out of this terrible year.

These are from over a week ago, but are interesting enough to catch up on. My apologizes if I hose up exact details; Paul will fill in the details and post more when he can move his arms off of the floor again.

So, all by himself, while I was off with the kids, Paul took off the back of the house. He then discovered that the termite damage that was found when we had the house inspected (and got $7000 back at closing to fix) was a bit more extensive. The picture above — see the door to the right (the doors to the backyard are interior doors, and no we didn’t install them, hence why they look that way) — anyway, that corner of the house had heavy termite damage. It was fixed before closing. But it wasn’t until the wall was off that one could see how high it went. With the changes going to the back and the importance of the load on that back wall, Paul wanted to get it right. He ended up jacking the house up on that side, splicing out the termite-eaten areas (actually, he said part was completely gone, so it was just evening out the eaten edge) and putting in new pieces. You can see if from inside — stay tuned and I’ll see if we can move some stuff around and get a few pictures. It’s pretty interesting.

Thank goodness our friend Robert answered his cell and had a jack that Paul could use — Robert was a real lifesaver at that moment. I still can’t believe all that Paul did completely by himself. (With me calling every few hours to make sure he was still alive.)

Other interesting pieces… see that foundation pier? Yikes. You can see some of the termite damage in the supporting beam sitting on the pier. See that spigot? Paul installed that after we moved in. This past Saturday morning, he drained the house again and took it off… the last step before starting to frame out the floor!
More dtail to the back. See the hole? Those wood slats are our floors. One has a decent hole in the space between the siding and wallboard. See all the years of debris and bug carcasses? Yikes! We are working very hard not to think about what is in the rest of our 100+ year old walls. (Being perfectionists, this makes us want to re-side the whole house… which would give the bonus step of adding insulation… but the $10,000 or so price tag is a bit unreasonable. Granted, we’ll know better what the real cost is once we’ve bought the hardi for the back of the house. As we begin to buy more materials, we have learned that labor and overhead is SERIOUSLY high.)

Above — evidence of a pipe that once ran out of the back of the house.
And an outlet.
Above: bug shell carcasses. Eewww.
More detail around the right side door (facing house from back yard). Wild!
Above: the nails above were what held the siding on — pounded directly onto the house. (It was aluminum siding.)

Some rough costs and details so far (that I can remember):
— Foundation with piers and flashing: $4000 (This we subbed out — want to have a level foundation! cement had to be wheelbarrowed into the backyard from the street since the space between houses is so narrow.)
— Floorboard lumber: just over $1100. (We used black edge versus pressure treated. At first, Paul was interested in pressure treated (tongue and groove) because of the short distance from the ground. But it came into the yard damaged. The excellent gentleman helping us (Wayne at Kellett Lumber) suggested the black edge. It saved us about a $100 and I was thrilled (no out gassing to worry about).
— Lumber for walls, headers, and ceiling (basically, all the remaining lumber): roughly $2012. All the lumber was delivered Friday morning. Paul missed the school party that morning to carry it all in the backyard (worried it would get lifted off the street). While at the party, friend and fellow parent David heard about Paul’s difficult morning chore, left the party and showed up at our house to help carry wood. Which he happily did all morning, making the job much easier on Paul and bringing on the important elements of fun and friendship to the task. Thanks, Dave!
— Windows, Simonton (4 windows). We looked at Pella (stay away, particularly if in a high-humidity area); cheap aluminum (only because we went to the wrong place); and even Home Depot (don’t bother); to end up with Simonton. I’ll let Paul sing the praises of why we went with them, but if you are in the NOLA area (or another high-humidity, high-wind possible, area… we highly recommend them based on what we’ve learned). More on this once they are actually here and installed. I think they were about $1200 total? Maybe not… I can’t quite remember.
— But the double french exterior door, that was $1400. It wasn’t Simonton, I don’t think. (Sorry, we ordered them two or so weeks ago and I am forgetting some details.)
— Skylights (2): Velux. Can’t remember the price, but like everything else, it was cheaper than we had estimated. Skylights were tricky since the pitch on the roof is going to be slight. Paul and Dad are still hashing out some details on how they are going to frame it out.

At risk of sounding uncharacteristically sappy, I want it documented that my husband is the real hero behind all of this degree stuff. The reasons are too numerous to count, but include things like… coming to my practice defense on Tuesday; letting me sleep in this morning while he got the kids fed; going out to buy the goodies for my committee (presenters tends to bring snacks and beverages to defenses); driving me to my defense because it was pouring rain (and I was in my fancy clothes, with a ton of stuff to carry — all of which would have been destroyed in the walk from parking to building); cleaning the house and doing a load of laundry while I defended; thinking about dinner… then agreeing to a last minute babysitter to take me out to a Very Nice dinner instead (and yes, JoAnn came by and said congratulations).

This is all while working so hard to plan for our renovations, which Paul has been single-handedly completing with the kind of skill and detail that most professionals would envy. Did I mention that last weekend, while I took the kids to Mobile for Will to attend the Holiday concert with my parents, Paul *JACKED UP THE HOUSE,* repaired several old termite-eaten feet, and took off (and replaced) the entire back of our house? And he did all of it alone? Not to mention all of the reading, asking questions, and legwork for lumber. So far, we are incredibly under-budget. Some of that is a group effort on finding windows and doors (more on that… I keep thinking Paul is going to write about it) but really, the bottom line is because of Paul. He is really working so hard on making this renovation spectacular, pouring every bit of love and detail into it as he gives to us… which (trust me) is boundless. Thank you, Pancho!

It’s midnight. I’m fighting off a cold. Kate has a terrible rash covering her legs and is having trouble sleeping.

Tomorrow, I’m defending the work I’ve been doing for 2 or so years to reach PhD candidacy. Tomorrow is a big friggin’ day.

And Paul is on his way next door, to ask our neighbor to turn down the microphone and amp’ed sound (despite some work by a sound technician to sound-proof the house; it’s not over or it’s a damn awful job) so that we can get some sleep.

A gorgeous, huge, vibrant, rainbow hung over our neighborhood yesterday afternoon. I got a few pictures of it as it started to fade… cascading over our house.

That’s Paul and the kids walking up to our porch. Will is wearing Kate’s floppy yellow hat, which he wore all day yesterday. He’s become very fond of that hat.

Meanwhile, out in the back…

Paul is continuing to amaze us in his endless knowledge and abilities. And despite the craziness with ordering materials, calls to my Dad to discuss building strategies, and a huge range of coordination madness…. I think he is really enjoying it. Or maybe it’s being out in the perfect weather. Either way, he has kept up progress and took down the old cypress boards to find the original lathe board and a peak into some of the structural pieces of the house. He has started blogging again, so check there for more pictures and updates on the gory details.

This time of year always feels rushed… not enough time for anything. But this year — this year makes all the other years look like a cake-walk.

So I’m letting go, or at least trying to talk myself into it. I have enough presents for my children to pass for Santa’s arrival on Christmas morning. (Normally, we would just have Christmas another day but Will has an advent calendar this year and has been pretty savvy with it.) I did manage to (finally) write thank-yous with Will for his birthday, and that is about all I can handle. Everyone else? Think about the fun of opening presents and cards in the New Year!! We love you enough to not be rushed.

Our quick update:
— Foundation is poured, piers and flashing installed, ground level, debris and dirt cleared. Dumpster is ours until next Monday, so Paul started gutting the back today. All the siding is off the back of the house, Will says that “Daddy took the skin off the back of the house.”
— All official paperwork has been submitted and accepted in the Dean’s office. No going back now: I’m defending the prospectus next Thursday. The defense is being advertised throughout the school… I’m afraid I’ll be haunted by the post in the elevators for weeks. Practice defense is Tuesday.
— I’m working to have the next draft to committee by Monday. This is a major feat, since I’m tried, stressed, and distracted by my duties as the one who makes holidays happen in the household. We’ve got a Christmas tree up and decorated and stuff on the house outside… that is as much as I can fight for right now. The kids seem to appreciate it.
— The final happened and class is done. An appeal on my behalf was made to the department chair to not cap my hours and pay me for the full time I worked on the class (roughly 50% more than “allowed”). It would amount to several hundred bucks we weren’t expecting (the hourly rate is less than we pay our babysitters; to have it capped is just insulting). So I’m really hoping that it gets put through. I did really, really enjoy doing it though… despite getting a parking ticket on the last night.
— Took family portraits of Valerie (my friend/mentor from Lima) and her husband and new baby this past weekend (up on the FLC site); great visit with them this weekend.
— Kate needs a blood test as part of her check-up from Nov. 28th and I have to find time to take her to Children’s for the draw. So far, no time has seemed suitable. And where is that doctor’s order, anyway?

Thanksgiving came — and with it, my parents, brother, and sister-in-law. It was fabulous having that many family around. Always someone ready and willing to entertain the kids, always other people around thinking about things like what to have for dinner and whether anything in the dryer needs folded, and lots of helping eyes, hands, and ears.

My Mom outdid herself with FOUR pies. Major portions of 2 are still in our fridge. She marked each of the apple pies for Will and Kate — one with a “W” and one with a “K.”
Will was so excited about Uncle Skip and Aunt Emily’s arrival around noon on Thanksgiving Day that he didn’t nap… and fell asleep just as we were getting a 3:00 meal to the table. (My Mom pre-made almost everything, making this the earliest Thanksgiving dinner on record.) Kate, however, was ready for chow!
And yes — I was Thankful. For the usual stuff… health, home, and happy kids who do not know hunger or the sounds of bombs and go to sleep without fear.

Thanks to the thoughtfulness of some of Paul’s coworkers, he is getting disability for last week and this week — a welcomed relief since now he is not eating through his precious vacation time as he recovers. This has made us feel so much better; Paul may not be able to drive or work long hours, but he can catch up on little things… like pulling the family video off of tapes and burning it onto disc AND drawing up plans on graph paper for the back of the house. We’re trying to look at this as an extra bit of time to get really prepared for the renovation (since we are seriously delayed at starting it)… pricing out doors and windows, deciding on materials.

Paul’s Mom left this morning and we are officially on our own. We were really lucky to have her here; if Paul had to loose his appendix, we’re glad it happened the day his Mom was scheduled to arrive. One more pair of hands offers many moments of respite for me… they let me sleep in little two mornings and have generous time in the bathroom to do things working Moms only dream of… like brush my hair and floss. I’m the only driver now which brings one more logistical issue to the already overwhelming mess of kids, class, guest speakers, assignments, and grading. Through on party-planning, holiday prep, house plans, Paul care-taking, and general things like laundry and meals… wow. I have absolutely no idea how single parents manage. Thank goodness I have the Abeona Village helping out with the kids each day.

The assignments I had intended to turn back in tomorrow? Five are graded out of the two hours I worked on them. I’ve got 38 more to go. I’d really like to finish them on Wednesday before family arrives. I have high hopes for down time this holiday weekend!

We are once again a two car family. Sort of.

Remember the renovation to the back of the house we’ve been talking about doing since we bought the house? (In our defense, things like having a kitchen, a bathroom, and electricity took precedence.) Well, we are actually starting to really get started. Maybe not soon but some day in a future I actually can see, we may have another working bathroom. With a bathtub. This is all very exciting.

One of the hang-ups we’ve been having is over supplies. Namely, when we need something — rebar for the concrete project outside, bags of concrete, a couple of 2x4s — we have to borrow a truck or do multiple trips with our wagon, taking all sorts of extra precaution to not trash it. Because we do all this stuff ourselves (or, at least, Paul does it — with the help of folks like my Dad and some of our friends — me, my role is budgeting, research, and planning) we needed some sort of vehicle for this work.

So yesterday, Paul bought a TRUCK. Our previous truck (a purple Ford Explorer named Barney) was a serious work truck and was used as such. It was Paul’s baby (think guy and his TRUCK) and we sold it shortly after moving to NOLA because we didn’t use it enough to warrant keeping it. (Plus, living in Michigan had wreaked havoc on the poor thing.) Although he hasn’t said anything to make me believe it, I think that Paul has felt just the tiniest bit lonely without a truck to bounce around in. So we are doing our best to emphasis the manliness of our new set o’ wheels. (I’ll post pictures later… I don’t want to ruin the imagination.)

We have named the truck “IMPACTO ZERO” (dígalo en español, por favor). It is named after IMPACTO UNO, the most tricked out school bus we’ve ever seen (possibly the most tricked out school bus in the world) — the very bus we took bouncing along the mountains of rural Honduras during the two summers we spent there. (IMPACTO UNO was spelled out in huge letters across the windshield and in back — over the spoilers.) In honor of the Impact Uno, we are going to load up a cassette tape with Gypsy Kings’ “Hotel California,” Cecelia Cruz’s “Yo Vivire,” Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean,” and lots of Air Supply to blast as we drive Impacto Zero around New Orleans.

I drove Impacto Zero for the first time today. Like all good trucks, I.Z. is a stick shift. The kind where your foot is almost completely disengaged from the clutch before it even thinks about getting into first gear. For those of you who remember my Sweet First Car, a silver 1981 Dodge Aires K Station Wagon loving named Roxanne (think of the Sting song), Impacto Zero is like a long lost brother. When I shift in the I.Z. the handle of the gear shift comes off in my hand. The passenger side door only opens from the inside. The A/C only works when set on “Max.” The fuel gauge is broken (“just fill it up when the odometer reaches 200 miles”). And at least one random dashboard light is on for no reason for the entire ride.

It’s just a tiny pick-up — no backseat. I love driving it, but there is no chance either kid will be going anywhere in it. So, while we are a two car family, only one is actually a family car. This is Paul’s workin‘ truck!

We picked it up for $2750 and are carrying minimal insurance on it; we hope to sell it in a few months when we’re done with the renovation (stop laughing. we WILL finish it!) Other that the few minor oddities, it runs just fine, the engine is beautiful, and there are only 92,000 miles on it. I’ll post pictures soon. Until then, take the opportunity to tell Paul about the coolness of his seriously manly truck.