Nurse 1: “How old are you?”
Will: “I’m 5. I’m not old enough to drive. My PapPap says I have to be 16 and then I can drive his truck.”
Nurse 2: (smiling) “Oh, okay. Mom, is Will allergic to anything you know of?”
Me: “Nope, nothing.”
Will: “Except poop.”
Nurses 1 & 2: “What?”
Will: “I’m allergic to poop.”
Pause. Nurses look confused.
Me: “Do you mean your sister’s diapers?”
Will: “Yeah, I’m allergic to Kate’s stinky poops.”
Nurse 1: “You’re allergic to your sisters diapers?”
Will: “Yeah. Sometimes they stink even badder than my Daddy’s toots.”
Nurse 2: “Well, I’ll write it down then. It sounds serious.”
—
This is why the top of every informational piece of paper in my son’s medical chart, RIGHT at the top under “known allergies,” it reads POOP. (Someone in the surgical ward added “per patient,” just to clarify.)
—
When we reached him in the recovery area, he was shoveling in heaps of crushed up grape Popsicle. Every member of the medical team addressed Paul and I as we entered, “That’s your son? He is HILARIOUS.” Will glanced up from the cup of Popsicle with glassy, dreamy eyes, just long enough to ask when he was going to get his tubes in. I noticed the bloody tissue coming out of his left ear. The one the doctor said held a thick, dull, gray membrane — very different from the perfect shiny membrane in his right. As I came close to ask how he was, explain that it was all done, he reached around the back of his head with his unfettered hand, the one not strapped to a board connected to an IV, to poke in that ear.
“Mommy, my ear hurts.”
He looked up at me with a woozy face, cheeks sort of blotchy and eyes not awake. Out of nowhere, cauliflower sprouts burst in my own ears, filling my brain with white fuzz. It came fast. I had no choice. I sat right down, on the spot, quickly getting my head between my knees. That’s right, I nearly lost it right there. And again, several times, in the short stay unit. It’s 4 hours later and I’m still woozy just writing about it. In this situation, I do not have the constitution to handle my children’s medical needs. Quality parent, me.
Just in case I missed how pathetic I was, our nurse found me a Raggedy Ann sticker to go with Will’s SUPERHERO badge. “It’s ’cause your Mom was so raggedy,” the nurse tells Will.
“Yeah. I have to take a lot of good care of her,” answers Will.
Janna | 27-Mar-09 at 12:21 pm | Permalink
I would so be there with you- I got woozy just reading about it! I’m glad the surgery went okay!
Painted Maypole | 27-Mar-09 at 9:06 pm | Permalink
hooray for nurses with a sense of humor
and hooray that Will is doing well
chrissieroux | 28-Mar-09 at 3:55 am | Permalink
Holly Holly Holly! Go easy on yourself! I would totally be on the floor in that situation. A “pathetic” parent would be someone who refused to be with his/her child in recovery because the gross stuff was hard for them to handle. You were there with Will, and that’s what matters. Be kind to yourself.
I’m so glad he did so well.
Tina A | 28-Mar-09 at 4:05 pm | Permalink
Happy to hear that Will made it through the surgery with no problems! I would have been nervous too. I LOVE that Will is allergic to poop. Too funny!
liprap | 28-Mar-09 at 7:16 pm | Permalink
Oh, honey, once, when the little guy was in the hospital and they had to take blood from him, I was nearly on the floor, too, because I HATE seeing blood get taken from me or from anybody else. It’s a wonder the docs were able to get an IV in me when I was having contractions.
Give yourself a break. You and Will are BOTH such troopers. R’fuah shleimah (healing and health) to you both.
Oh, and as for those allergies, I was asked at the little guy’s school if he’s allergic to tuna, because he was offered a tuna sandwich once and he volunteered that information. I had to say no. He isn’t allergic…he just didn’t want it!
Lucy | 29-Mar-09 at 5:22 am | Permalink
I am so glad it went well!!!!!
Thank goodness they keep ‘poop’ out of the operating room. He is too funny!
Amy | 29-Mar-09 at 7:25 am | Permalink
Will is so great!
I could never be a single mother because then I would never have anyone there to take care of the blood and stuff. Xander cut open his eye one time and they made me leave the room and the orderly held him down for his stitches instead.
You are in good company 🙂
elisa | 30-Mar-09 at 4:13 pm | Permalink
holly…..
i’m so glad things went well and will appears to have tolerated the procedure well. i was out of town at my cousin’s wedding and just read about his procedure today. just so you know, i think all of your anxiety was completely justified even if it was a small procedure and i am soooo happy that he is doing well. and, in the future, if you are not comfortable with the surgeon FIND A DIFFERENT ONE. you should 100% absolutely trust and believe in the doctor you are entrusting your child to… you should not think that he is knife happy…. you want him to be confident yet humble at the same time…. but you know all this and i know you made the right decision in the end. lots and lots of hugs being sent your way!!
Emily R | 01-Apr-09 at 4:53 pm | Permalink
i can’t believe she got you one, too. hope recovery is going well