Man, am I in a sour mood.
I want to tell my kids about Santa. Just rip off that bandaid in one quick swoop. It’s too easy for me to rely on the Santa Threat and I hate myself for it. They should act appropriately because that is the right thing to do, not because they want presents from some shadowy character.
*****
We’re facing some big financial burdens, which isn’t unusual for us but these sorts of decisions are just awful — they have to do with two of the most important things in our lives: safety and education.
Our car is unsafe, by my esteem, as it is unreliable. It is un-repaired, but we haven’t decided what to do with it. Paul is home tomorrow night (crossing fingers for no more snow delays) and then we can look at the loooooooooong list of malfunctions more closely. It’s probably time for a trade-in, but not the time to take on a car payment. Until then, we will just risk the inconveniences and potential hazards that I’ve been living all week. Car safety can’t be all THAT important, right? I mean, we don’t drive that much.
We really like the school our kids currently attend. The teachers are great, the curriculum solid, and the classes are small. The administration is attentive, helpful, and responsive. But getting these things in New Orleans is not the norm. It’s a private school and tuition is going up. A LOT. Roughly $300 a month more. The bottom line is that there are other charter schools that offer immersion education (2) and we will re-apply to these programs… but the quality of the experience and the administration cannot be matched. I absolutely hate compromising the kids’ educational experiences because of a financial barrier. So we’ve got some tough decisions. In the meantime, it’s on my plate to scramble for applications, watch dates and announcements, stress over every step, and take full responsibility for any rejection as a deep, personal flaw.
Maybe we should go back to considering just leaving the country?
Going with that theme, our property taxes have gone up. To the tune of $2400 this year, making our contribution to the city’s coffers more than I can actually write out. We continue to shoulder a much more significant tax burden based on our unlucky fate of not being politically connected.
The irony of the two: property/school taxes and tuition for the education we must buy because the one our taxes provide isn’t fit for any child — is not lost.
*****
In the interim, I still have not mailed my Christmas packages. These are the ones holding presents I’ve had for months and had wrapped since the first week of December. Maybe tomorrow, hopefully, I can get it together to re-pack and send. No matter what, they won’t get there in time for Christmas.
*****
Combined with a hundred other things, all of this has just put me in a rough mood. And the icing on the cake? Emmy sent me a HILARIOUS video to cheer me up and it did. And I wanted to use photos of my kids and post it here… my little attempt to show that I am working on the positive. What happened? Well, after an hour of trying to get the faces cut properly, the site won’t work to load the faces into the video. TOTAL WASTE. So there you go. My attempts at trying to be positive are fruitless.
Bah. Whine. Sour. Grouse.
jenny | 22-Dec-09 at 4:21 am | Permalink
oh. HUGS and HUGS and HUGS, holly. hang in there. (i’ll send you more thoughts in an email – too much to get into here.)
and….
HUGS!!!
Meagan | 22-Dec-09 at 9:38 am | Permalink
I don’t have too many words of wisdom for most of this so I’ll just say good luck. I did want to comment on the school thing though:
Obviously the quality of teachers and materials can have an impact on how a child does in school, but one of the biggest factors in a child’s educational sucess is the parents’ attitude towards education. It hurts when you feel like you are letting your kids down because of “petty” reasons like money, but it’s not petty- it’s a matter of balance or even survival, and you are not letting your children down- you are providing them with the very best you can. This is all any parent can do, and you should never, never feel guilty for doing it.
Lucy | 22-Dec-09 at 12:19 pm | Permalink
I can’t cheer you up much because we are totally blah at my house too. We have not shopped yet. My daughter got an MRI today but the doctor is pretty sure the results will be “she is done playing basketball for the year.” HER SENIOR YEAR of basketball. Now, I can tell her until I am blue in the face that there are worse fates, like diseases or poverty but for an athlete and a High School kid, this is a pretty rotten fate and she is just miserable and to be honest it hurts my heart to watch my daughter’s heart hurt so much.
Anyways, like you I have tried to focus on some positive stuff, so I passed out some bloggy love. Go grab your award. At least have some fun in bloggy land!!!!! Since ‘real life’ seems to be knocking us around.
shokufeh | 22-Dec-09 at 1:36 pm | Permalink
Man! I am sorry. That seems like a crazy jump in price for EB. I think Meagan makes a wonderful point. Quite honestly, with your level of involvement in the kids’ lives and their school, it probably doesn’t make a big difference where they go. Go public and use the “saved” money to go to France for the summer.
Seriously, I acknowledge and share your stress around the school issue. I think, though, whatever happens, things will turn out great.
Good luck with the car, too.
kitty | 23-Dec-09 at 1:45 am | Permalink
That is such a tough decision.
Pistolette | 23-Dec-09 at 7:16 am | Permalink
I hear ya darling. 3 months and my hubby still can’t find an engineering job here. With the cost of having to send our kids to private school (if they can’t get into the charters), our high property taxes, *and* our unreliable vehicles… moving away is seeming logical, though obviously not palatable. Happy frickin holidays, eh?
Emily R | 24-Dec-09 at 7:47 pm | Permalink
It isn’t real until we have kids. Before we do, we think that we support education, and we do, on a high level. Once we have kids, our ideals and our desires for them often clash against one another. Which is to say that I hear you.
blackshoe10 | 25-Dec-09 at 9:34 am | Permalink
Well, if all of us made the logical and rational choice of leaving this crazy, wonderful, vexing place, it would not be worth staying. Truly a paradox. We feel you though, from car to house to EB issues. Next time you are stuck needing car help, twitter me for it, I can turn a wrench and it nice to grow the karma account even when the bank account won’t 😉