Cold Spaghetti

In the midst of crying children, attempts at cleaning drywall dust, painting, cleaning up paint from doors that aren’t suppose to be painted, and ongoing gutting of the outbuilding, Aunt Flo came to visit.

Which reminded me that a few weeks ago, I picked up a Diva Cup.

Yes. This is a post about menstrual products. I gave a warning.

Sooo… my deal is this. Whether because of the internal scaring caused by Will’s delivery or just the changes from having babies, I have been unable to use tampons and have incredibly intense cycles. There is likely some sort of dysfunction somewhere, I do fit basic menorrhagia definitions. I did at least try to start investigating these things, but the process is stalled for now. The point being that I can use a lot of product in a month. It’s expensive. And if I want to bond with all my earth muffin sisters, I gotta get on the going green flow. So to speak.

Back to the Diva Cup. It was on sale, it came with a free gift, and so I bought it. It looks like a dixie cup with a rounded bottom. It’s made of flexible, soft plastic. And the idea is that you fold it up, stick it up, and it pops open… magically catching all that endometrial excess. Sort of like the bucket you put under the sink to catch the leaks when the pipes drip. Upkeep involves periodic emptying and a cleanse. But that’s it.

Sound gross to you? Puh-leeze. Gross is chemically treated cotton fibers left in your hoo-ha. Gross is scrubbing blood out of sheets because everything leaked… again. Gross is that wad of cotton starting to fall out mid-swim because the pool water got up in there and caused it to swell. A little reusable cup? Comparatively, no, not gross at all.

Tonight, before taking a bath, I tried it. I was really not in the head space for anything new and didn’t spend a lot of time reading the instructions. At first, I wasn’t even wanting to bother to wash it off (no, no, of course I did). To insert it, I sat on the can and followed the directions. It went in so easily, so quickly, and so effortlessly that I wasn’t even sure if the thing had opened. Still seated, I couldn’t feel a thing.

Then I saw the final step, that whole IMPORTANT! step, about grabbing the stem and turning it. What? I went back in to find the stem and turn. Was it turning? I couldn’t tell. But it seemed like all the messing around was screwing up the placement and I figured a good taking out practice wasn’t a bad idea. So I reach further, grabbed the base, squeezed it and took it out.

It, too, was easy. Really easy. And looking at it, there was evidence it was already working.

At this same moment when my hands were uh, occupied, Kate ran in the room, slammed into my legs, and knocked the Diva Cup out of my hands and into the toilet. (No, no, the water was clean. But still.) I had to fish the darn thing out to a hundred Kate-questions about why I was playing in the toilet. After another thorough wash I went back to my position on the can and re-inserted. Again, it seemed fine. I stood up and thought I could feel it, similar to how I can feel a tampon but not quite as uncomfortable. Maybe this time I didn’t insert it quite right? But I decided to live with it.

The bath was absolutely fine. And no red drips on the towel afterward (a problem I had with tampons). I would feel confident swimming with it. I do feel the stem (although this may be due to problems with insertion) if it keeps up, I may look into trimming the stem. But so far, I’m giving the product a thumbs up.

Any other market testers have advice?

—

UPDATE: The first two times I used it were great. Then, suddenly this morning, the magic disappeared. I cannot get it to work today… it’s leaked ALL DAY LONG. Ironically, I thought I was getting better at inserting it because I haven’t been able to feel the stem. Damn. Any advice?

ANOTHER UPDATE: There is a learning curve with this thing. I’m getting better, I think. Even with the curve, I’m voting it number one option.

Kate is home sick. No real fever, or at least none that doesn’t instantly respond to Ibuprofen, but she is definitely not herself. Content to lay on Mommy’s bed watching Charlie Brown blow the big Spelling Bee… over and over again… which is, without doubt, not the normal child who goes to 11.

Even she seems confused about how she feels and what she wants to do. This short exchange, recorded 15 minutes ago, is the perfect example:

14nov2008_katewantstoboogie

A cutesy fall picture to cheer us up after the disappointment of leaving the unbelievably delicious leftovers from our lunch at Lilette to spoil in the car.

With the ongoing birthday drama, I thought it would be helpful to list some of what I’ve found out about birthday options in the Greater New Orleans area. If you, like me, cannot host a birthday in your house and feel oddly compelled to still have one, here are the options I’ve found… with my take on each.

Please feel free to help me with other ideas!

Audubon Park. Bathrooms are few and far between, but the park is beautiful and space is plentiful… if you manage to not co-incide your event with a big family reunion blarring music, a huge walk-for-(insert cause here), or a torrential rainstorm. If you want electricity, you’ll need a shelter, and those range in price from $125-550 per day, depending on the shelter size and location. Space walks and the like are allowed with permits. There are two smallish ‘tracks’ good for small kids to bike their hearts out. Shleping stuff in and around the park can be a pain, but that’s why we families have wagons.

Audubon Zoo. Best I can tell, arranging to have a party at the Zoo is a painful, expensive process where you have to hound your friends and neighbors for their membership status and plans of party attendance weeks in advance of your party or else the Zoo Keepers come and pop the balloon of the birthday child and confisicate all their presents. Just reading the rules and requirements made my head spin.

The Children’s Museum. This seemed more reasonable than the Zoo, but I avoid TCM on Saturday mornings because it’s CRAZY when parties are in session. Maybe parties there are better with kids 8 and older who know how to elbow kids for a turn.

The Monkey Room. The new hotness. Super-fun indoor play-yard for kids wearing socks. They must wear socks. A very reasonable $90 on the weekdays and $125 on the weekends gets you 2 hours in a party room (there are two) and each kid who comes to the party is an additional $5 and has free reign to Monkey their hearts out. They give you plates, utensils, and cups and will help you coordinate food delivery from local vendors. Except for random Monday nights, they are pretty much booked solid on parties until 2010.

Ivanov’s Gymnastics (Metairie). We went here for a party pre-K. Will was two and the party was for a 4-year old — everyone had a great time. They set up an obstacle course of gym mats and bounce equipment for the kids and then did some activity games. A small party room was used for the last 30 minutes for cake cutting. 90 minutes total for $170. Not a lot of room for loitering parents, but we had fun watching the kids bounce around. They pretty much just have parties on weekends.

Creole Creamery. Ice cream parties offered before they open at noon (parties are from 10:30-12). The whole place is yours to play in, with the last 30 minutes for make-your-own-Sundays ($190 covering 20 Sundays, $5 for each additional Sunday). Older kids can have a ‘this is how we make ice cream’ tutorial party for $250, followed by MYOS. Parents can buy their own treats either on a party tab or pay-as-you-go. Love the idea, but hated the thought of feeding 5 year olds ice cream at 11am and then sending them home to their parents.

Gym Rompers. Big beautiful church room with bad indoor lighting holding a ton of fun toddler and preschool climbing equipment. We did this for Will’s birthday last year (thank goodness, since there was frost on the ground that morning!) They do a short story/song game with the kids, too. There is a stage set up in the room with a long table for a last-supper type cake and ice cream celebration. $200 for 2 hours.

Elmwood Kidsports. The Harahan mega-gym has a variety of parties, two offering indoor play spaces and one seasonal pool party option. The price range goes from $10.95-15.95 per child, with minimums of 15 or 20 children depending on which option you choose. One party option is a huge inflatable obstacle course with climbing and a trampoline. In this option, you stay in the room the entire time, even for cake and snacks. The other party goes from room to room (where different equipment is located) at the sound of a bell for 60 minutes and then spends 30 minutes in a tiny party room for snacks and cake (we’ve attended one of these parties before — fun but sort of loud and crazy). You basically can’t bring a thing — they provide food options, cake options, and only provide utensils, table clothes, plates and napkins if they provide the cake. They provide juice boxes for kids and have soft drink pitchers available for purchase for parents. They also have a Gymnastics party option in a separate facility down the street with similar pricing and offers.

Rivertown Kenner Science Center. $200 for 2 hours, facility is open to the public during the party (but since it’s not particularly busy on any day, this isn’t necessarily a big deal). Sort of a really really really small children’s museum, with toys and a few exhibit type things to play with. Bring quarters for the little rides. There is an upper level that involves steep stairs, so you’ll be freaking out about toddlers in a party environment. Otherwise, it’s a decent size and there is plenty of seating and tables for food within the center itself.

City Park. The Carousel Gardens offers parties located around different rides in the amusement area, including the carousel, from $250-300 for 1 1/2-2 hours. Some parties are offered before the area opens to the public at 11, others are offered during opening hours. Storyland also offers party space within it’s storybook themed areas, ranging from $150-250. You bring everything into the park and do your own set up and clean up. The parks are contained but still spacious and you need a lot of adult supervision, particularly for small children. The parties limited to one ride (i.e.: the City Park Train or the Carousel) are more contained in one spot.

Jen, Mad and Su have Just Posts up for October — these are social justice and activism oriented posts nominated by readers — and I am flattered to be among the offerings. I learned of these through the talented and mellifluous Alejna, who is fun to read not only because of ThThTh, but because she is an endless source of pants-related humor. (Become the mother of a toddler and pants become very funny. Really.) The Just Posts have been a big source of inspiration for me over the last few months and this month’s posts were no different. I loved Jen’s writing about the impact of the tropical storm-related flooding in Belize, which has devastated the rural community she and her husband bought property within and are moving to in January of the coming year. Magpie’s charge inspired me to donate $25 to charity. My own sister-in-law made a strong argument about how the legacy of slavery is still a very real presence to school children attending schools named after slave owners. These are just a few examples.

I enjoy reading the Just Posts because it helps me to connect to others who are aware of the world around us and look for ways to make a difference. A little happy place in the internet.

The beach is my other happy place. So, here are a few pictures from the beautiful Gulf Coast, featuring my favorite kids. Because there is where I want to be right now…

There are so many things that contribute to my Bad Mommy status… using Jack Daniels as a teething soother, stuffing the kids into the overhead bins during air travel, co-sleeping… you get the idea.

But the number one thing that solidifies me as a Bad Mommy is this: I hate my children’s birthdays.

It gets worse each year. The anxiety, the fretting, the countless nights of web searches for the same ideas. Weeks of calling every mediocre local option to find that it doesn’t matter anyway, they are booked. Worrying over the date, the time, the people. Being frustrated that the weather is a complete question mark (three years ago it was 95 degrees and unbearably humid, last year we had frost on the ground). Feeling disappointment over Will’s obsession with presents. Knowing that I have a team on hand to judge when whatever I do doesn’t live up to expectation. Because it’s all on the Mom. There is no one else on earth responsible for children’s birthdays and every little detail… from the humidity to how the streamers bend to the taste of the frosting on the cake… lie on the shoulders of The Mother.

It’s not that I’m caught up in some ‘perfect birthday’ ideal. I couldn’t care less about theme, crafts, or activities. I just want a simple party with some friends where the adults can hang around and talk and the kids can run themselves silly. That’s it. THAT IS ALL.

Really, what I want is to borrow someone else’s house for the weekend — one with a big yard — rent a jumpy house to put outside, and let the kids run around the yard for 90 minutes while the parents hang back, eat, and talk. I wouldn’t even mind cleaning up afterward. This, in my view, is the World’s Best Birthday.

And the anxiety is because it’s just a total impossibility. Something that simple is simply not possible. There is nothing I can do to have a stress-free party for my kids, and I feel angry that I even have to think about it.

NEW PLAN, Will and Kate! You guys get to stay 4 and 2 FOREVER!

Today was the second Schweitzer Retreat. We decided as a group to hold the retreat at the Louisiana Renaissance Festival, because why not do something fun?

I don’t have a lot of Renn Fest experience. There is a chance I may have attended the gigantic Maryland Renn Fest in high school… perhaps even on a day when said school was occurring… but well, bad memory runs in the family and my parents occasionally stumble on this website when scoring the internet looking for Roseville Pottery. So let’s just say this was my first Renn Fest.

Yes, they did knock each other off of horses. Which is mild compared to what their respective women did to each other after the guys were finished.

Renn Fest folks like putting ‘e’ or ‘th’ behind every word, sometimes using both at the same time. Like the sign so warmly posted at the exit: “Returneth Soon!” They also are strong believers in boob torture.

We had a wonderful time! The costumes worn by the players and visitors (you can rent yer own garb at the door) were always interesting, often stunning, and occassionally hilarious. Our group met in the morning, doing ‘business’ in a tent for a half our or so, and then had more discussion lakeside in the shade of a tree. And about when Erica noticed the foot-long daddy longlegs crawling across my torso? Yeah, I acted totally cool.

Paul and the kids joined up with us around lunch time. They spent a generous part of the morning with woodworkers, where Will asked a hundred questions about furniture making. Really. As it turns out, when Will wakes up at the crack of dawn and we shove him out of our room begging him to melt his brain with tv while we at least sleep until the sun has risen — well, he goes to the front room, turns on PBS, and watches The Woodsmith Shop.

It was news to me, too.

We spent the rest of the day at the village. The kids played some games and enjoyed some shows (Will loved the jousting, Paul loved the jugglers). The coolest thing, though, were these swings:

I was terrified of Kate going on them. But the Swing-guy assured me at a 15-month old was, “like, totally-th fine-th on the ride,” so I softened. Then noticed that Kate had already walked herself through the gate and was jumping up trying to get on to a swing. Let that nervous-ninny-Mommy get in the way of her doing something Will was doing? Ha!

And so I did my best to take pictures of her, sitting cool as a cucumber, floating and spinning around in the chair. Considering how fast they were whipping around with kids in chairs every few feet, I figured that this panning shot was purdy decent.

We also succumbed to stuff. Will was drooling over the swords even before we walked through the gates. So while I was returning from a solo port-a-potty mission, I visited a wood worker. He told me that his products have a 100-year guarantee “against any wooden weaponry.” I explained that his sister’s head was not wooden, so that the guarantee was not going to apply to us, but good to know. Will was our Knight for the rest of the day.

Here they go, off hunting dragons. Or monsters.

We all did our best to boost the economy. Paul fell for a juggling stick and I picked up a bottle of essence oil (gardenia, although the one marked ‘teen spirit’ was tough to pass up). Kate came away with cute butterfly wings and a matching skirt. The lady I bought it from was way cool and showed me a half-dozen ways to repair the wings in the case of a snag. Then she asked me if I was married.

“Yes.”

“Well, the skirt is made from memory elastic. That means your daughter can wear it during the day, and YOU can wear it at night. Men LOVE it.”

See why I thought this woman was cool?

With all the fun shows, jousting, falcons, and shops (er, shoppes?), we were surprised to find that we spent the whole darn day there. We have never spent the whole darn day anywhere with both kids (that I can think of) and that is just about the best compliment I can give any event.

When we got home weary and dusty from our long hour’s drive back, we found that there was a message on the home phone. From my cell phone. Which is at the office of the Louisiana Renaissance Festival, awaiting pick-up.

Damn. Well, at least someone found it and was nice enough to leave it somewhere safe. Looks like we may be headed back to the 16th century sometime this week.

Question: What is with Kate’s funny, scrunched up smile for the camera?

Answer: I have no idea.

(That’s me and my Mom, Easter 1978 — I’m almost 2 1/2, it’s a few months before my brother was born.)

One week into the month of November and how much I have gotten done?

I’ve translated one set of interview notes from Spanish… BUT have not gone back to listen to the original notes to put back in the parts of the notes that are in English. It equates to about 1/7th of the translation I have to complete. *sigh*

Despite my illness, we did manage to take the kids Trick-or-Treating. We went to Georgia and Emmy‘s so that the kids could explore the neighborhood en masse and we had enough support to let me rest if and when needed.

Georgia had a great party with yummy food, including delicious chili, homemade mac-n-cheese, and a movie theatre popcorn popper machine dispensing fresh kernels in red and white stripped bags. The kids took turns filling their assorted trick-or-treat bags with party candy and then putting the candy back in the cauldrons.

We got to spend some quality time with baby Ollie. Emmy kept calling him a little peanut while getting the kids in costume (I got to hold and burp the baby). Then she dressed him in his costume — he really WAS a peanut.

Everyone got in some baby time.

Wittle baby peanut!

Will and Kate stripped their impromptu costumes from the day and donned fresh personae: Will was Mike Wicowski from Monsters, Inc (a CCEX find last fall) and Kate wore her gorgeous red suit, a gift from Randy and Katherine on one of their trips to Taiwan.

Will had the Trick-or-Treat thing down this year. No need to prompt or remind, he knew how to negotiate the door knocking and opening, used the correct parlance for transaction, and held his bag or reached appropriately in the right situations. Kate, on the other hand, preferred to take one piece of candy at a time, bringing it in her tight little fist to the next door, where she would offer the kind Treater a trade: new candy for the warm mushed one in her hand. They would offer to fill her bag with candy if she’d hold it open, to which she’d reply, “no thank you.”

Both kids were pretty much ready to be done with the whole thing after one house, just to go eat what they had collected. It wasn’t until we were done that they realized the power of volume. You could actually see Will’s wheels turning as he understood that longevity of the trick-or-treat was a strategic choice. Whoops. He’s asked if we can count down the days ’til next Halloween ’cause he’s REALLY READY NOW.

Here’s a video of them in costume preparing for the Big Event…