Lately, things have been hard for Will. He has a sister who is a “crazy monkey” (his words) and adores him to the annoying level of copying EveryThingHeDoes. He just started at a new school where his teacher and a ton of the students speak French most of the time. He misses his friends at his old school. And his parents NEVER feed him hamburgers. Or let him stay up all night.
So it’s understandable that tonight, during the bedtime lament that has become the standard in the past week, Will became upset. SO UPSET that I was not only declaring it bedtime, but also time for teeth brushing, that he would say terrible things. To me. His Mother. Really terrible things.
And this is where I had my Big Moment. All those words and threats rolled off me as cool and clean as water and I got down to meet him eye to eye and said in a most natural and pleasant voice:
“It’s okay, Will. I know that you love me and you don’t mean those things. And it’s okay, because no matter what you say or what you do, I will always love you more than anything in the world. In fact, I love you SO MUCH that I am making you go to bed, even if it means you will be mad at me, because I know that you need rest to have a good day tomorrow and I want you to have a good day. And I love you SO MUCH that I want your teeth to be healthy, so I make you brush them, even when it makes you so angry that you don’t want to cooperate with me. So it’s okay to be mad at me. Because I love you.”
Then, just in an instant, everything changed. All that stuff about love being the salve for anger? Apparently it’s on the mark. Will’s angry tears dried up and, much to my surprise, his mouth opened for the toothbrush. He even went to bed without too much more fuss. (Okay, he whistled and woke Kate up, which lost him TV privileges tomorrow, but compared to what was in the works 15 minutes earlier, this was nothing.)
Mommy got the GOAL! tonight, but will have to ice her knees and rest for tomorrow; because we will not be having hamburgers for dinner.
Maitri | 26-Jun-08 at 8:44 am | Permalink
You’re a great mom.
Cold Spaghetti | 26-Jun-08 at 9:00 am | Permalink
Thank you, really! I’d like to believe I’m a good Mom, but feel obligated to point out that I have not always responded so well in the past. In all honesty, parenting is hard, and sometimes it would feel so much better to yell, demand, even spank. It certainly would be faster. So much for things getting easier when they aren’t babies anymore… ha! This just gets harder and harder. But with perks.
Poists | 26-Jun-08 at 10:25 am | Permalink
You responded to him on his level. You pointed out you understood him, explained that you understood what he felt but it wasn’t an option.
WAY TO GO!
Wish things were easy like that for me!
Emmy | 26-Jun-08 at 12:59 pm | Permalink
What a great response, Holly. It’s so comforting to know that the people we love,LOVE US, warts and all. What great timing in telling Will you love him…when he’s feeling anything but loveable.
I’ll have to remember that next time, mid-fit. You’re a great mom, and I learn so much from your posts.
xoxo
emmy
barbawit | 27-Jun-08 at 7:15 am | Permalink
You almost made me cry with this one. Good work mom.