Cold Spaghetti

In our house, everyday is an adventure. It is like we are tip-toeing across a mine-field, trying out different steps, listening for hints of a pending explosion, enjoying small celebrations when we are able to stand firmly with both feet planted.
We spend much of our days muddled over exactly what to feel: Do we hug him or throttle him? For help in this decision making, I’ve turned to child development literature. Unfortunately, I seem to be following much of this information already, so I am left with the realization that there is no silver bullet. What IS helpful, however, are things that help me understand my child’s personality so that I can better predict his moods. The best book on this (suggested to me by a Child Development Psychologist as “the best parenting book out there”) is “Raising Your Spirited Child.” The book gives a lot of insight into determining how your child handles their energy, what drains them, what recharges them, and how to help your child recognize their own limits and needs. Whether or not “spirited” is a term that applies to all children is debatable; the book argues that a “spirited” child is one that is simply MORE. (There is no question that this applies to Will; my fear is that if Will is more, I am terrified of the challenges I face with Kate.) Another parent of a child who clearly fits the “spirited” category said that “normal” kids must be the ones that don’t stick out. So that the labels that he gets now will grow into assets as an adult: tenacity, audaciousness, persistence, sensitivity, intensity. The book has been particularly helpful in its discussion of the extrovert versus the introvert. I realized through the reading that Will is probably not the extrovert I’ve assumed him to be; he has many more qualities of an introvert. He is shy in new situations, holds on to his personal space, needs periodic time alone, shares his thoughts and feelings with difficulty, and has a hard time transitioning from one activity to another. I had taken his energy, enthusiasm, and friendly disposition as signs of his being an extrovert (like me). In reality, though we share a similar intensity and persistence, I believe that Will is introverted like Paul. This information has changed how we schedule and interact as a family. After leaving school, Will would often want to go to the playground — this worked well since it left the house quiet for me to make dinner. But afterwards, Will would struggle through dinner and shower time. Now we’re making sure Will has down time after school, rather than going off to another stimulating environment. We’re still trying to learn his cues, but I’m hoping that being more aware will help.Will seems to be potty trained. We have to give him reminders, especially when getting ready to leave the house. We’ve had several “emergencies” but so far he is doing really well with “holding it.” Will is really sensitive to smells and we teach him to pull his shirt up over his nose before entering restrooms. He has also suddenly and without warning begun to pee standing up. This was a bit dramatic at first: how to do it without dribbling? The solution was that Paul taught him to lean up against the bowl, which is something I never would have done… I can’t think about him doing this in other places! (Paul assures me that he picks Will up or puts down paper.) Will is extremely proud of his toileting. We started a sticker reward system but found that it was completely unnecessary. He literally just picked it up overnight and was simply ready to do it. It has probably been the easiest parenting and developmental milestone we’ve had yet.Will is still our thoughtful and sensitive guy. In the picture above, he’s holding the “beautiful sun” he made for me. He’s got some new quirks that are notable. For example, he has a very strange relationship with his socks. While he is adamant(!) about picking out socks to go with his outfit each day, he is equally committed to ripping them off at every opportunity. We find them all over the house, in his bed, and tucked in the furniture. He is also bothered by tags in his shirts. He insists on keeping the tags flipped up so that “he can breathe.” We haven’t asked how exactly the tag sticking up helps him breathe, maybe we’re afraid of answer.