INHL 615: Nutrition and Health in Complex Emergencies starts tonight. Professor Mock is in Africa; I’m on for introductions and teaching the lab for the next class Thursday night. I posted syllabus, course readings and other odds and ends to the website last night. This afternoon, I’ll reserve a conference room with blackboard and computer for once-a-week office hours/discussion sessions and finalize the course schedule to hand out tonight. I still have to finish the lab assignment that I’m introducing and giving out Thursday. We’ve got some great speakers lined up… if only I can get them all to confirm. Two strapping young men have agreed to be my lab hustlers on Thursday. The course is good material and I will enjoy the reading and discussion… but I want my own class!! Cue: she works hard for the money.
Will got bit in school today. Impressively so — incisors punctured the skin through his jeans. I was told that it was an unprovoked outcome brought on by some group physical play. I’m mostly feeling very happy that Will didn’t bite or hit back. The whole incident probably scared both kids to pieces. We’re keeping it clean and keeping an eye on it; he’ll live. I feel awful for the other parents, who are undoubtably wringing their hands with worry about what to do. I know very well that this could just as easily be my child who develops a biting habit.
Plastic Mile | 24-Oct-06 at 10:22 pm | Permalink
Okay, kids do stupid things … I agree. And yeah, it’s up for parents to police it like you’re doing. Probably the last time it happens again.
But if it happens again, I’d tell my son to knock that kid’s teeth out. Not even being all hyperbolic, just straight up. A kid to learn is the balance between being a hothead and defending yourself. Will did a good thing by showing restraint … but he now he has to let that kid know what the Deal is if it happens again.
I cracked a kid in the face for teasing me in elementary school. Didn’t get teased again that year, but my mother threatened to break both my arms if I did it again. Southern black women of a certain moral persuasion are very convincing … so, with the exception of cracking Ryan Findley in the ribs with my knee in 8th grade (a very satisfying moment, I admit), I stopped standing up for myself and became a Major League Wussy middle and high school. I would tell you how I reversed that rep in college, but I don’t believe in self-incrimination.
Okay … my issues aside … seriously, tell little Will to not be stupid but to defend himself. Kids can’t be all biting up on him. It’s not about being macho, it’s about protecting himself. You said it, you could get gangrene from a human bite — they’re real nasty. I hope the little fella is okay and I’m sending good thoughts his way.
Holly | 25-Oct-06 at 7:59 pm | Permalink
The frustration from not yet having the language skills to express complex emotions (anger, frustration, happiness, fear) can make kids act out in a lot of ways. Biting is one of them. (Hitting, Pushing, Spitting, Kicking, and Pinching are others.)
Will’s getting bit was unfortunate in that there can be complications from human bites (his did look a little infected last night, but he’s still on antiboditics from his ear infection and with the help of some neosporin, it’s looking much better tonight). The bottom line is that the child meant Will no harm — she or he was trying to act on an emotion.
I think it’s very important to stress that physical ways of acting out are not acceptable and to encourage young children to use their words. Also, it is important that the child who bites or hits or pushes or whatever not be made to think that they are “bad.” Because they are not. They are preschoolers learning how to communicate.
Violet | 26-Oct-06 at 1:23 pm | Permalink
You have to stress that physical aggression is not acceptable, but get used to the fact that as a male in this society, Will will eventually need to develop some aggression in order to survive.
When Dom was in high school, I remarked to Millard that it was so great that he never got into fights. Millard rolled his eyes and told me to dream on–Dom had his share of mixing it up–he just knew to talk to his dad and not to me about it. It was hard for me to accept, but I do accept that I have no idea of how one copes as a male in this world. And the fact that he could talk to his dad about it without fear of repercussions meant that he never got into a situation where it was so unbearable that he contemplated terrible things.
Teflon skin, baby. You gotta grow it.
Holly | 27-Oct-06 at 6:38 am | Permalink
Violet,
Absolutely — I know that Will is going to have to confront physical aggression and be prepared to stand up to it. It causes all sorts of conflicts for me… from the mother’s concerns of her child’s well-being and the more philosophical questioning of whether violent conflict is an inevitable part of human life.
I admit that one of the things I liked about Paul was that he stood up to bullies and had a few (short-lived) fights, including breaking the jaw of a jerk of jock, effectively removing him from playing for college recruiters. (Paul says that he is ashamed he used his training in this way… I find it wonderful that the bully got it good… and with enough omph to make it last.) I want very much for Will to have those same skills and hope that he will learn the same kind of confidence and restraint that his father has.
I also wonder if Will had a similar incident with a NOLA trust generation kid (should we still live here through Will’s schooling) if we would have to face legal proceedings over it. Unfortunately, these days, it seems that when the underdog tries to even things out a bit with those who have the upper hand — and manage to make it happen — that the payback is litigation through Daddy’s money.
Violet | 27-Oct-06 at 10:01 am | Permalink
This was by far the most difficult thing I remember from raising kids, Holly, and I’ve raised a child with bipolar disorder. There is no way to reconcile “necessary violence” in our minds and hearts. The only thing you can do is what you are doing–keeping the lines of communication open so that you can tell when you simply MUST intervene. It’s OK to delegate this worry to Paul, he knows the rules.
Of course, you will have plenty of worries with Kate that Paul will be more than happy to delegate to YOU in their entirety!
Plastic Mile | 27-Oct-06 at 3:21 pm | Permalink
I agree with what’s been said. There is a time and a place for everything, and male guidance in that regard is very important. This is where it’s nice for a boy to have a firm but sympathetic male presence in his life, speaking as someone who didn’t always have that. I’m sure Paul is a great role model for Will in this regard. And I agree with Violet that you’ll have your hands full with Ms. Kate soon enough …
It’s enjoyable having friends who are parents — watching what you go through, noticing how you handle it.
nonrunner1953 | 28-Oct-06 at 3:06 pm | Permalink
. . . and being grateful that we are through with it! I wouldn’t trade those years for anything, but it’s SOOOOO good when they can stand on their own two feet!
Just know that you will have the strength you need to deal with anything when it comes up. These little challenges (like the lice scare) and just getting you warmed up.