Destructor No More

Kate is 14 weeks old today.

Will is 1 week shy of being 2 years and 9 months old.

One of the biggest surprises of the past 14 weeks is that Will has not tried to destroy his sister. I felt certain that we would see some type of aggression or jealousy from him. The warnings of this behavior line each chapter on sibling preparation and the anxiety over it put me on high alert in Kate’s early weeks.

Now am I not so guarded. Sure, Will has his moments. For example, Will is very clear about when and where Kate can use “his” things. There are times when Kate sitting in Will’s bean bag or using his blanket are Not Okay. But there are other times when he willfully extends the use of these items to his “baby sister.”

A friend of mine was visiting and was shocked to see Will jump up to Kate’s side when she woke up from a nap on her playmate and cried out. He rushed to her, found her pacifier, and put it gently in her mouth, all the while cooing to her, “it’s okay sweet girl.”

“Are you sure 2-year olds can’t feel empathy?” She asked me. “Because THAT sure looks like empathy to me!”

What shocks me about Will’s practice of soothing Kate is that I’m so used to it that sometimes I actually wait for him to attend to her, forgetting that my 2-year old does not yet qualify as a suitable babysitter. His level of helpfulness betrays the truth of his age.

He delights at the attention Kate gives him. “She’s smiling at me!” he proudly declares. Kate dutifully responds by giving him rapt attention whenever he is nearby. The draw of Will trumps all other distractions, food included; she will stop everything to soak in her big brother.