Cold Spaghetti

As an eldest girl in 4 generations of eldest girls, I grew up sensitive to the roles of being first born. I was expected to be responsible, aware, in control, helpful, and dutiful. In contrast, I was very aware of the different expectations put on my brother, the youngest and the baby. In my (perhaps jaded) view, his role was simply to be loved and adored. Now that I have two children, I feel I can much better understand the dynamic. First children break you in, completely destroying you in the process. The following child (or children) are easy, simple joys.
People ask all the time, “is it harder with two?” And the answer, of course, is “YES.” But not for the reasons I would have thought. Once you’ve gone through it once, having a baby is EASY. It is nothing like the first time, when you are totally overwhelmed, struggle with everything, and never get a chance to embrace the joy of motherhood. Having a second doesn’t make it harder because babies are complicated; having a second makes it harder because you’ve still got to deal with your first. The next children aren’t the ones who make parenting tough. It’s figuring out each stage your oldest is going through that kicks your butt.
So, while Will is a fantastic two-year old and is a source of tremendous love and entertainment, he is the one constantly pushing me as a parent. He is the one who forces me to learn, testing his (and my) limits, leading me down new paths and asking me to be a better person. Kate will do her own testing, I’m certain, but it will not be as rough because I’ll have already experienced the first frustrations and challenges from Will.
Maybe this is why first children are so heavily relied upon; we parents look to them to help us learn to be parents. We look to Will to guide us on how to be a family and to teach us what makes good parenting. He breaks us in; Kate reeps the benefits. Mothering Kate makes me feel confident and complete in my role as a mother in a way I never felt when I was learning with Will. I look at her and see that the difficulties of parenting are still moments of joy, because ultimately, they are rooted in the tremendous love you feel for your children. When life was “just Will,” I was too busy learning to see it.
If I am a good parent, and I believe that I am, it is because of Will and how he has taught me, pushed me, and challenged me into being a better person.