* What does discipline mean to you? *
* How do you discipline? *
* What do you want your children to learn from discipline? *
* How were you disciplined? *
These were some of the questions addressed in a seminar I attended, “Disciplining Your Child From Zero to Three” with developmental psychologist Dr. Pat Blackwell. Dr. Blackwell came to Abeona House at the bequest of our director and gave this free seminar to staff and parents.
I learned:
– Discipline is teaching. And next to love, is the most important thing we give children.
– Toddlers think on the outside and are unable to process cause and effect — there is no filter, so they “try” everything to see what will happen
– Discipline starts in infancy. When babies are left to cry, they are less able to self-regulate emotions.
– “Mr. Rodgers” style conversation of describing emotions and situations works very well with toddlers
– Toddlers cannot feel empathy. However, we can use modeling to teach empathetic behavior so that when they are able to process those types of emotions, they understand how to deal with them appropriately.
Since the seminar, I’ve realized:
– My goal in disciplining is to build my child’s self-esteem and self-control through teaching, not to force them to blindly obey through authorative power
– Specific descriptions of how something makes me feel works well as a motivator for Will
– Modeling is not the best tool to use with Will at this time, or maybe my skills here are weak
– All of these things sound much easier and sensible in a room of adults with no children present.
There definitely are no “answers” for how to get a toddler or preschooler to listen at every moment. Dr. Blackwell made me feel better by stressing that discipline is a life-long learning process. I feel better just knowing that this isn’t suppose to be easy!
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