I’ve been reflecting on what it felt like to watch Will be sick Monday night. Several times while he was getting sick, I turned to Paul and asked “Should we take him to Children’s?” (Children’s is the super kids hospital conveniently located a few blocks from our house.) As a general rule, I detest hospitals, so it was a little odd that I almost was wanting to go to one.
Watching my son be sick, calling out my name to help him, was hard — because I couldn’t take it away or promise that it wouldn’t happen again. That was the worst feeling: helplessness. I think part of me wanted to go to the hospital so that I could look to someone else to help him. Being there would have let me be an advocate (something that I’m good at and a role I’m comfortable in) which lets me turn to someone else to help take away his discomfort. I’ve done a lot of holding hands through difficult and even painful procedures, but it is definitely different when it is your child. Watching your child be sick and recognize your helplessness to lift them from the moment is the worst feeling in parenting.
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