I knew it would come, everyone says it does. I am missing my baby. It is incredibly difficult to work on a PhD while being a parent of a young child. I tend to shrug off when people comment on how impressive it is that I am managing both… I attribute it to a strong, supportive spouse and a great kid and leave it at that. But really, it is so much more.
I am a jealous that Paul gets every afternoon with Will — they play in the park, go for walks, and run errands. It becomes time for me to work or have class, so it is in theory a gift of time for me. I am so lucky that Paul is able to be with him, as opposed to a sitter that we don’t have the budget for. But it makes me keenly aware of what I am missing.
I do not want to stop what I am doing, but I do wish I could slow it down. As with any profession, the academy does not take consideration of children. If anything, it forces parents (particularly women) to work even harder to prove that they can do it. I am not saying Tulane necessarily applies this pressure, but the overall feel of any academic environment certainly has these overtones. One of my professors told me today that she actually finished her disseration before her cohort — by more than a year — and she attributed this to her having to be so scheduled because of being a parent and needing to juggle both. She felt that my efforts were much in the same light. Of course, I want to finish slower, not faster — and have more time to be both a Mom and a doctoral student at the same time — so I’m not sure how what I want to do fits in with what is expected of me to do.
The bottom line is: I absolutely understand why parents (ie: Mothers) “chose” to stay home. THERE IS NO CHOICE. The mechanisms to allow us to have both really aren’t there.
Matt and Laura | 01-Mar-05 at 9:01 pm | Permalink
Catching up on your website – was laughing at the pictures and the posts – up until this one. Just wanted to post that I agree with you 100%! Hang in there!